There is a small cohort of folks who gather every Tuesday evening to slow-study the Bhagavad Gita. They gather like the moon pulls on tides. They are salty. They are sweet and rhythmic. We’re slowly discovering what things like trust and practice mean.

It has become so sacred. And yet it’s completely ordinary, cussy, tech glitchy and as-best-we-can.

Last night I was tech glitchy, lost my presentation slides, and generally frazzled from the world already. So I had lots of my teaching points come out after the conversation while I lay wide awake way past bedtime.

This morning I sent the group my additional, middle of the night revelations. It occurs to me the conversation about loneliness and action might be of general use. Use it. This is a conversation around the Gita’s book six, verses 1-19.

Hi everyone,

thank you so much for your patience with my technology glitches and subsequent frazzled teaching.

I had all my brilliant thoughts come back to me after the class:

Can you direct your mind?  

Patanjali gives a number of ‘effects’ of yoga, including a body that feels ease and steadiness, breath that is soft and extensive, and the predominant emotion being peace.  But the one he lists first and chooses to focus the whole teaching on is directablity of mind.  Remember the sutras are genius in that they both describe what ultimately happens (the mind becomes more and more direct able) and prescriptive (focus your mind on THIS.  NOW.)

“The mind is the friend of the Mind or mind is the enemy'“; “the self is the friend of the Self or will destroy you” are riddles trying to point out that our actions are the determinants of our experience.  They either lead us upward or downward.  And our actions aren’t ghosts or surprises or out of the blue: actions are related to our beliefs, our stories, our moods and feelings, and our physiology.  So, to influence actions, and therefore the quality of life, we need a practice that gets into physiology, emotion, mind, etc.  

This practice should not become the focus of your life.  But it will change the quality of your life.

Mountains:

The mountain metaphor is intended to deflate, destroy, or right size the expectations of a yoga practice.  We often get hooked into thinking it’s a rinse and repeat cycle.  We do some stuff, we do savasana, and ahhhh we feel better for a moment.  And then we go back to normal.  Rinse and repeat.  

The argument here is that rinse and repeat is not enough.  There are summits to be climbed.  There is an up.  You have to go somewhere with the insights, steadiness, or release you glean from your practices.  

What is the point of ’the already enlightened’ being brought up so frequently?  I think it’s to point to people who have or are actually changing the world. I think it’s using the example of the people writing the books, running for office, changing systems rather than moaning about them.  I think it’s pointing to people who are living, embodying, Yoga. When you look to great figures, you will always find they have some practice for body, mind, stress management, and accountability in their private hours. Don’t just do your yoga. Change the world.

The other expectation is instant enlightenment or healing.  That we’ll magically heal, escape, or reach the heights in a single experience.

Both are flawed expectations.  Both are control mechanisms we impose on reality.

A/loneliness

This is such a difficult one.  It’s so hard.  It’s so important.  

On the one hand, we’ve gone through a whole process of discovering we aren’t an egg with an impenetrable boundary.  People matter to us.  What has happened in our lives has left traces. Much healing is healing together and vulnerability turns out to be a strength.  But at some point we realize all this is true AND there are some things we have to do ourselves.  No one is coming to save you.  No one can do the yoga for you.  No one else is going to save the world either.  This is the same push Krishna gave earlier on (stand up, Arjuna.  You were born for this.) but now even more bluntly.

A few years ago, Gunnar and I went to see a couple’s therapist.  Things just weren’t going well.  We both wanted things and weren’t getting them.  At one point, I said I felt alone in the marriage.  And rather than taking my side like I wanted her to, the therapist answered that we’re all, ultimately, alone.  Even inside things like marriages.  Happy healthy marriage does not mean independence goes away.  It means you’re alone together. Maybe authentic, or sincere, or true Self together.  But not melded.  No outside person is your salvation.

Another way I’ve heard marriage talked about in this context: you don’t really need to know all the details to do the right thing.  When your neighbor is getting divorced, you may want to know in order to be supportive, be aware of people moving, etc.  But you don’t need to hear all of the details.  Current politics are like a neighbor’s divorce.  How informed do you really need to be to ‘be informed’?  So much of it is repetition and hyperbole and memes.  So much of it is just vengeance speak and outrage.  I’d argue that you can in fact be very informed and very involved and not participate in much doom scrolling.

It’s interesting to bring a/loneliness to the direct understanding that the first steps are Yama/niyama.  How can you bring deep, sincere aloneness to relationships?  I think this echos the vowing: practical things done as sacred work.  If you haven’t read Deborah Adele’s book, now is a good time.  Susanna Barkataki was recently talking about how she still dedicates one day a week to each Yama/niyama.  These things aren’t once and done.  They are both preliminary and ever growing.

Ultimately, we have a choice to take this yoga path or not.  But the temptation to ask a guru for the answers or get strangely cultishly attached to a group, or alternately to defiantly refuse relationships is strong.  A good teacher will point this out.  Another example of not doing yoga is the incredibly common phenomena of becoming a yoga teacher, leading other people through asana, talking about all the things but not having a personal practice.  

We need a teacher and a cohort to do things like read the Gita: we can’t do that alone.  But, to live the Gita is something only you can do.

When I finally got sober, and when I’ve watched other people recover from trauma, it often has something of this a/loneliness in it as well.  Of course there were supports, and those supports often define who can recover and who slips through the cracks.  But there was also an aspect of it’s up to me, now.  Yes or no.  Die or get humble.

Humble, surrender, and the faith bit

There is so much to talk about here.  But I just want to point out one thing: we often don’t do the Yoga and surrender because we are attached to our rage (or helplessness, or whiteness).  It makes us feel righteous (I’m an ally!).  Or its a familiar, in our hands, kinda homy hell that we prefer to the vulnerability of surrendering.  

But what does your rage or anxiety really bring to the table?  How much does mulling and procrastination contribute to the world? What role is social media really going to play in the revolution or your own funeral?

Practical things, laid with a sacred cloth.

A home practice space or altar is not something I’ve personally ever been able to fully have.  Altars are a big practice for some (Michelle Johnson and Octavia Raheem have beautiful altar practices).  

It isn’t a ‘place’ for me, it is a clean and distraction less bit of time.  It is prior to every other thing on my calendar.  Both dog and husband respect it because I have asked for it.  I don’t wait for a free afternoon or day off.  I get up earlier in order to get it done.

Maybe you want your practice to be a Nidra, or a meditation, or a morning contemplation of the morning.  Great. But what do you need to set up for this to realistically happen?  Be realistic. Be practical.  And then make it sacred with a little baptism, incense, blessing or flowers.

One of the things loneliness/personal practice highlights is the way practice gets less important to showcase, talk about, or think about during the rest of your life.  It becomes as essential as tooth brushing.  But no one spends the day fetishizing their tooth brushing, or posting on social media about it, or google holing different brush strokes.  If you have a practical, sacred practice, you show up for real life a little ‘purified’.  You get more real life, not more yoga.

Back to directing your mind:

Do commit to a practice.  It can be small (the heart of yoga sequences are great templates. I can do them in 15 minutes and some days they stretch out because I can do or I want more.  If you don’t have 15 minutes in which you can choose to direct your mind to yoga, we might need an intervention of some sort. (I’m not trying to shame you into asana.  Your practice can certainly be a walk with a moment of prayer or mindfulness.  Or journaling.  Or lifting weights. But I’m aiming for clarity.  If a regular practice isn’t possible for you, we might need to look at anxiety and depression or trauma intervention.  Be very careful and honest around this if you are a teacher, too: that teaching others but not practicing yourself is a very real phenomena.  It’s not your fault, it’s part of the sham of the ryt model and the diet/fitness industry that encourages everyone to look at fake things rather than real things. I’d argue it’s dangerous to everyone involved.) Do them as a priority to your day.  They do tend to lead to a savansana or meditation experience, a just siting.  Just sit. And then be done with it for the day.  Do them ten or twenty times a month.  Do them more days than not.)

I’m happy to make a practice for/with you if you like.

You need the little immediate mind direction if you ever want the cumulative, mountain impressive experiences.  Nirodha is both prescriptive (pay attention to one thing for fifteen minutes) and descriptive of the higher stages.  Mind becomes more direct able over time because of earlier directed attention.

Chitta and action are either 1) playing out old programs or 2) sourced out of authenticity, not pattern. Be honest and surrender around what’s really happening in your chitta.  If you are okay, do something to help.  If you aren’t okay, ask for help.

Big love and forehead scraping bows,

K